A not so "Happy" Anniversary

As some of you may or may not know, today marks the 2-year anniversary of the day my life changed forever.  Two years ago today, my best friend and person I loved most in this world, told me he was done and walked out on our marriage...just a month shy of our 4-year wedding anniversary.

Here is my story.

2008 started off great - my husband and I were hunting for our first house, we both had good jobs and I was anticipating my first nephew's birth!  We bought our first home in March and spent the next 3 months renovating it.  We moved in towards the end of June and my sweet little nephew was born in July.  Things were great - and I was taking it all for granted.

About a month after we moved in, I had a serious health scare.  It turned out to be nothing, but made me realize I wasn't invincible.  The next week I lost one of my great-grandmothers and the next day, I lost my job.  Wait!  This isn't supposed to be happening to me!  It was a rough few weeks for sure.  Little did I know, God was just beginning to teach me. And boy did I have a lesson to learn!

In the next few weeks and months I noticed things changing in my marriage.  It finally hit the fan two years ago today.  Just 2 days before I was supposed to stand in front of a church full of people as a bridesmaid in my good friend's wedding and listen to two people pledge their lives to one another...repeating the same vows we had said to one another.  I can tell you that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.  He wasn't happy, he didn't love me anymore - wait! Stop! I couldn't believe what I was hearing!  This doesn't happen to people like me - I am a good person!  Doesn't matter who you are.  A week later he moved out. 

It took me months and months of prayer and soul searching to finally come to terms with everything I was fighting.  During that time I'd never felt so humiliated, betrayed, sad, anxious, overwhelmed....10 months later we sat down at our dining room table to fill out our marriage dissolution agreement.  I had prayed everyday until then for God to change his mind.  I finally learned I was praying for the wrong thing.  I didn't deserve for God to intervene now - especially since we'd never invited him into our marriage like we should have.

The divorce was finalized in July 2010.  14 long months of uncertainty, confusion, tears, anger, and hurt. By the time the papers arrived, I didn't feel anything. I didn't even cry. I was emotionally spent.  Those that know me know that I am a public crier...very open about my emotions.  So this surprised even me. I thought I knew how I would react when opening that envelope, but I honestly just sighed a sigh of relief that it was all finally finished.  I had other things to worry about now...figuring out how I was going to keep my house, making sure there was enough money to pay the bills, refinancing, changing my name on everything, job searching.

During this time of darkness, I began to look for things that brought me joy - little things that God helped me open my eyes to see.  It could be anything, big or small - warm towels from the dryer, a Lindor truffle (my favorite), a facial, celebrating the news that I'd be getting another nephew.  I made a list of Bible verses that spoke to me and put them on my bathroom counter.  I read them every morning when I was getting ready.  I welcomed God back into my life and he kept me from drowning.

I've learned so much in these last 2 years.  I've learned you can't plan everything.  That was a tough one for me.  I had to let go and let God.  He'll never give you more than you can handle.  I haven't even worn a watch since May of 2009 and you know what?  I'm just as late as I always was!  The world didn't stop spinning.  I took a more "go-with-the-flow" attitude and I actually enjoyed it.  Who would've thought?  Not me, that's for sure.

I still struggle.  I still have bad days, but they are fewer and fewer and I can honestly say that now, I feel like myself again.  Actually, better than myself, because I know that I have God on my side and if he brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.  God provides beauty and joy in so many different ways and things.  It's up to us to pause for a moment and open our eyes (and hearts) to see them.  That's why I started this blog.  To have a collection of things that I find beautiful or inspiring to help me, and maybe someone else, through a dark time.

If you've made it though all my sob-story, thank you.  I can't promise that there won't be more, but I will try.

"...we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us..." Romans 5: 3-5

Technical Difficiulties

In my next few posts, I am attempting to post pictures of some of my work.  Last year I did a complete overhaul on our church nursery and in honor of my 3 year anniversary owning my home I thought I'd post it's transformation as well.  However, I am having a hard time posting multiple pictures and it's kinda gettin' on my nerves.  When this situation has a resolution, they will be posted.  Until then.....

So much for the goals....

So, I've already failed at one of my goals...okay, maybe more.

I have not written a post every week - much less an inspirational post.  I've kinda had some things going on in my world that have taken up some of my extra time.  I am in no way complaining about these things...just trying to learn how to add them and still keep things going smoothly.

That being said, I thought I'd do something I saw on one of my sister-in-law's blogs "It's Cool to be Quirky."  She has more than one blog to clarify; I only have one sister-in-law.  She numbered them b/c she's a little OCD and I feel the need to do the same.  So anywho, here it goes....All About Amy!

1. I am the 2nd of two children...everyone loves the baby!  =)
2. My older brother, Justin, is married and has 3 kids.
3.  It makes me laugh that my brother has 3 kids b/c he would always complain about how loud they were in church.
4. My oldest nephew calls me Ahhmy (like say Ahh)and I absolutely love it!
5. My niece is amazingly talented and I wish I was as confident as she is at her age...heck, even now!
6. My youngest nephew is too cute for words and has changed they way I view the world. If you can't tell, I love my babies!
7.I love all things ladybug!  My kitchen is decorated in them!
8. I went to college in Chattanooga, TN and I loved it!  Sometimes wish I would've stayed there after graduating.
9. I have a degree in Human Ecology, with a concentration in Interior Design
10.  I was a kitchen & bath designer for almost 3 years and I LOVED it!
11. I have more creative solutions when I have restrictions...probably why I was an awesome cabinet designer!
12. I do not enjoy designing residential living areas for people - there are way too many fabrics to choose from!
13. I do not like to shop for clothes and am horrible at putting an outfit together.  I buy what is on the mannequin or stick to my basic blacks.
14. I do however, like to shop for things for my house.
15. Ikea is the happiest place on Earth for me!
16. I love to travel and can't wait to do it more often.
17. My bucket list includes a tour of castles in Europe and the Winchester Mansion in CA.
18. I am cold all of the time - unless I am sweating in my yard.
19. Two years ago I was forced into taking care of my yard (mowing and GASP! weed eating).  I have never cussed so much in my life.  It was hard for me to understand how we could put people on the moon, but nobody could come up with something better than a pull-start on a push mower.  I got over it....eventually.
20. I now secretly enjoy mowing my grass and actually purchased my first trimmer last summer.  It's pretty cool and only weighs about 7 lbs.  =)
21. I also am really into flower gardening now.  My back yard is just a blank canvas waiting for me to create something.

22. I don't really like being outdoors all that much, but I do love the beach. It's probably my favorite place to be!

23. The mountains would be my 2nd favorite place to be.
24. Spring is my favorite time of year...I love to see all the flowers blooming and the weather getting warmer.
25. Fall is my next favorite.  I love watching the leaves change colors. It seems like the last few years I've been shortchanged.
26. I was married for 5 years and am recently divorced.  Not something I ever saw coming when I imagined my life, but I have survived and am a stronger person for it.
27. I have learned by going through my divorce that I have the most amazing God, family, friends, and church family anyone could ever ask for.  I honestly do not know how people survive divorce without God, even though he doesn't like it.  He will not leave you!
28. I bought a house with my ex-husband almost 3 years ago and we spent 3 months renovating it.  It is now absolutely perfect and a true reflection of me.  It even has a white picket fence!  I love it and I'm only leaving it on my terms and when I'm darn good and ready!

29. I have a cat named Kitty.  She came into my life January 1, 2006.  When I first got her, I was very unsure and even asked how long cats lived so I knew how long to be burdened.  She's now my favorite and I don't know what I would do without her.  She would cuddle with me and lick my hand when I would be in tears during my separation.
30. Kitty does puke a lot, which is the one thing I could really do without.
31. My hobbies include reading, crafting and baking sweet stuff!
32. I would love to make things for other people for a living.  That would be the best.
33. When I was little I wanted to be a mail man when I grew up.
34. While I love kitchen & bath design, it's been a hard 2 years finding another job that lets me do that.  Sometimes I think I might have to pick a different profession and that makes me sad.
35. Some days I think I might want to go back to school to become a sign language interpreter.  It fascinates me and I would love to work in a school doing that.
36. I was a substitute teacher for a few months and loved it!  If it paid a bit more, I would do it permanently.
37. This is the first year (since 2008) that I feel like I have my life back together and am actually looking forward to the future.  I am making plans ya'll!
38. I got my first cell phone with a full keyboard last year at the age of 28.  I didn't start texting until 2009.  I'm so old school!

39. In 2010, I ate at Toot's and Hooter's for the first time in my life.  Hooter's I can do without, but Toot's has become a monthly eating place with my family.  Fried pickles are the best!

40.  I lived in the same house from the day I was born until the day I got married....almost 23 years.  I did live in the dorms in Chattanooga while I was at school, but always came home to Rockvale.

Alright, that's about enough for now.  It was hard coming up with 40 things.  Let me think for 6 more months and maybe I can come up with 40 more!  Thanks for reading and I am going to try and do better with this!  I want to start posting some of my projects and designs I've done in the past, so hang in there with me for a while.  Thanks!

52 Weeks of Organizing!

Yes, you read that right. I'm taking on Org Junkie's 52 Weeks of Organizing challenge! I know I've been in my "new" house for 2 years now (okay, almost 3), but I still have boxes of things with no home and my poor closets are a hot mess!

At first I thought 52 weeks of organizing - what in the world! But I printed our her organizing checklist and it really made me focus. I have already listed projects through Week #30 and I'm sure more will creep up along the way. I'm already excited and kinda want to do all of them right this second. Most are simple things, but just writing them down really helps you focus and Iloveputting a check mark when I've completed something!

I plan on posting before and after photos of my projects, both big and small, so that you might get some inspiration to organize your home too!

"Order is a lovely thing; on disarray it lays its wing, teaching simplicity to sing."

-Anna Branch

Goals!

This year is my year for goals. Not huge goals, but attainable goals.

The last couple of years have been devastating to my ability to plan. When everything you had planned out for your future suddenly explodes in front of your face it's really tough. I basically lost my ability to plan things, to look ahead. Now, that had it's good points and bad points. One good thing that came out of it was that I haven't worn a watch in over 2 years. Ha! Another good thing was "Go-With-the-Flow-Amy." I rather enjoy her. Much less stressful to just enjoy the minute you are in than worrying about what's going to happen next. My old self still stirs within whenever travel comes up b/c you just can't go blind into a new place, but I've learned not to plan out every minute of my time there.

The negative things were that since I couldn't plan, I didn't have any goals. Everything I wanted was now no longer an option and I just didn't know what I wanted anymore. So I just kinda floated through the last year - just going to work and church and hanging out with friends in-between.

But this year is different. I feel like I've gotten through the worst part and now endless possibilities are out there waiting for me. But I'm not ready to go all out just yet. Still a little gun-shy. But the good news is that I'm making plans for myself - goals. Not huge ones, but ones that I can truly accomplish. I'm hoping that by meeting these tiny goals it will build up my courage and strength. Then I will make bigger goals. I hope by that point, even if I fall short, I will be able to handle the disappointment.

So here are my goals so far for this year:

1. Take a cake decorating class
2. Complete 1 craft project a month (from my ever-growing stack)
3. Have a date night with my niece once a month
4. Write 1 inspirational blog post per week
5. Complete one task from my 52-Week Organizing Challenge (post to come) per week

So far that's all I've got. I think it's plenty to work on right now and hopefully add to it in the coming months.

Welcome!

Well, I'm jumping on the bandwagon, folks! I love reading other blogs and thought I'd start one myself. Now, I know I'm not super interesting or anything like that, but I have had a rough couple of years. But with God behind me (and my family & friends), I've gotten through the worst of it. I want to share with others the beauty in the little things and share my inspiration with others.

So at least once a week, it's my goal to share something with you all that makes me happy, or smile, or even just something pretty....my favorite things.

Right now these are 3 of my favorite people (and myself)! My niece and 2 nephews. This was taken last summer and they've all grown so much since then. I'll post an updated picture soon.

Thanks for reading and I hope you'll stick around!